Friday, January 27, 2012

A Must Read: The Big Beautiful Girl That Crapped Her Pants

One of those days, you're stuck in the traffic, in a commercial bus. It's hot, you're bored, it's smelly. The whole city stinks anyway. I had one of those one Tuesday morning. Gee, was I bored? I looked up, side ways and behind. There was this really flashy, yellow big chick in front of me with big hair. She was very noticeable. So big, I could barely see how long the traffic was in the front. So well, my eyes wandered, I looked down and there it was. It was yellowish brown, with funny patterns.
I asked myself, "what the hell kind of a pant is this again?" Then right before my own eyes, it moved. I almost yelled, "what the fuck?" It was crap! This big beautiful chick had shit in her own pants and remained sitting in the commercial bus. I looked at her, saw she was covered in sweats. And was she stiff? I felt nothing but sympathy for her. Struggling with a case of IBS myself, I could understand what she must have gone through before losing control...LOLZ.

So for the rest of the journey, I persevered, I was strong for her. I felt a need to protect her. No one else had to know. While I remained seated, tolerating the flies and the stench, I watched the movement of that yellowish-brown stream. One time, a lump-some squeezed past her jeans and it was destined to fall somewhere between my feet. Thank God, I was a huge fan of MC Hammer, I split so fast, I saved my feet. Then I had to keep my legs that way for a long long long time. Then she announced she was dropping, I sighed with relief then it struck me. "How the hell is she going to get down?" She had to pass three guys to get down and it's not like people to get down so you could have enough space. For her sake, I wished that was the norm. The bus stopped and with a lot of determination, her lips sucked in, she got up, faced the passengers, giving them a full view of cleavage and just like that, she was gone. I was so happy for her. I knew she had yet another battle to face until she reached her destination. Well, there was no need for me to keep enduring the split. I changed seats

I changed seats immediately going to the back. The wise old man beside me must have noticed and decided to say nothing too, he didn't move to fill my window side seat. You know? The window side seat! Then I wondered if she really believed she'd gotten away with it, that no one from the bus had noticed. Poor girl. The way she got down from the bus, a big girl like her, there's no way shit isn't all over that barricade. People will touch that when they're in the bus. Some will buy snacks and fruits in the traffic and eat that shit. I couldn't help but laugh at the chain of life. Some people shit, some eat the shit.

Well, sweetheart, if you happen to be reading this, I just wanted to let you know it was my pleasure but I wouldn't do it again. Ever. Cheers!
View writer Aminat Yusuf's profile here


Anonymous said...


Abiola said...

Lmao,i pity the girl and I pity u dt had to experience all dt,but trust me other passengers wld ve noticed too but chose to be quiet.hahahahaha

Anonymous said...

omg, this is hilarious....

Anonymous said...

I cn undastnd wt she wnt fr me tu I dnt no hw tu hold on tu stufz lik dt.thnkz fr avn hr bck.we dnt liv clin in dz country so dt isn't a nw tin